Everyone loves a feast at Christmas, a traditional gorge on turkey, trimmings and an avalanche of heart-rate-rising sugary treats that helps gets us in the festive spirit.
A good spread, shared with family, friends and others you tolerate is all part of the Yuletide experience. After being bombarded for two-and-a-half months with saccharine songs and repetitive big-budget adverts, you feel you've somewhat earned the right to stuff your face with as much richness as you can take. There is of course a flip side to this - there's really nothing worse than a bad Christmas dinner.
So, with a completely naïve sense of false hope, I tried this year's festive offering at Wetherspoon. Let's remember this about the Great British pub mega-chain, kids - it isn't known for their gastronomical flare, but rather for it's cheap prices. And with that in mind, I headed down to my local branch to try out some Xmas nosh.
However, there was one huge issue despite the pocket-saving price - and by that, I really do mean a massive issue. No roast potatoes. Yep, you read that correctly, the "festive" feast is not served with everyone's "favourite bit". Much to my dismay, I hadn't read the product description wrong, which boasted how the dinner comprises of four turkey slices, apricot and cranberry stuffing, chantenay carrots, parsnips, peas and mash potato.
And then, after nervously nursing a pint of Leffe Blond, the heavy Pyrex plate of food arrived at the table with a loud thud. And while I may appear to be smiling in the picture above, I can assure you I was actually dying of disappointment inside. The lack of roast potatoes made an instant impact on the eye, their loss leaving a massive hole in an already conservatively portioned plate of food.
How did it taste, you ask? Well, at £11.99 - or £13.52 with an alcoholic drink - you're not going to be served something that's been reared from farm to fork (other establishments can charge £90 or more per head for Christmas dinner) - it's there to maintain Wetherspoon's important function of affordability for all.
But even so, the plate looked grey and bland. The turkey was moist enough and the carrots and parsnips were edible (although not roasted). The pigs and blankets were tiny, and the bacon itself tasted like it had been dipped in even more salt. Even worse though, was the fact the mashed potato - grainy and most likely from a microwaveable pellet - contained absolutely no flavour whatsoever.
And this brings me on to the second major problem with this budget yuletide offering - a lack of gravy. Any roast dinner fan will know the gravy brings the elements of the plate together, with the optimum, plentiful serving leaving small pool of liquid behind after you finish. However, the helping of gravy barely covered the mound of symmetrically sliced turkey. It was, quite literally, like someone had spilled a splash on my plate by accident.
It's worth pointing out how Wetherspoon controversially stopped serving roast dinners on their all-encompassing food menus in 2016. Last year in 2023, the chain also served a roast dinner sans roastie potatoes - but after helpfully ignoring criticisms last year, they've stuck to the mash, presumably so they can knock the plates out faster with the help of Nigella Lawson's best mate, the meecrowwaveh.
Christmas is the time of plenty - but sadly this offering is anything but that. Other options on the menu craftily appear as though they could possibly be appetising - a four cheese pizza, a burger with pigs in blankets and stuffing and a chocolate orange Espresso Martini among their festive 'range' - but why bother when you can have a relatively decent curry or panini that tastes a bit nicer and for cheaper?