When thinking about relationships and dating, most of the time our first thoughts are about us: How does she make me feel? Am I ready for a boyfriend at the moment? Do they make me happy? Do they treat me well? How will this fit into my life?

These questions are important, sure. But our first thought needs to be for the other person, not thoughts about the other person. Since I was 16 I prayed for my future wife. I was encouraged by my youth leader to pray for her. Even though I probably didn’t know her at the time, I hadn’t met her, had no idea who she’d be. I didn’t do this everyday, just now and then. When I remembered to.

I prayed for her in two ways. I did pray for her to have certain traits and characteristics that I would love in a wife. But more importantly I prayed FOR her. I prayed that she would know Jesus, I prayed that she would be succeeding in life wherever she was and whatever she was doing. I prayed that she would be developing into an awesome follower of Jesus. I prayed that she would be enjoying her life, being fruitful in her life, living life ‘in all its fullness’.

You see, relationships are about thinking of the ‘other’. In the previous post I mentioned the idea of treating others well. This is absolutely key. You’ll never be able to lead a decent, exciting, fruitful relationship if you mainly think of yourself. Our gaze needs to come off our own needs, and the needs of others. It will help everything.

As soon as we start and continue to think in this way, it changes our outlook and then behaviours.

Too often guys or girls will turn up the volume of flirting in order to get the boyfriend/girlfriend they would like, then get what they can from them, until they lose the initial spark, then leave them for emotionally dead before finding their next victim. Please, don’t be that guy or girl. I beg. It’s a selfish way to do things. Thinking of the other leads us to a place where this doesn’t happen. We begin to only seek and start a relationship when we know it is right. We care for the other person enough not to play games, or mess them around but treat them with love, respect and honour.

So let your first thoughts be FOR the other person, not ABOUT the other person.

Love One Another. This begins before the relationship even starts. Actually, it begins before you even know them.